Pinoy jokes, Part 2

(1) Customer: Miss, may wi-fi ba kayo dito?
Iba-iba pero magpi-pinsan na mga sagot:

a. Jollibee/McDo cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami apple fi at mango fi.
b. Pan de Pidro, Pan de Manila cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami tina-fi.
c. Pizza Hut cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami pizza-fi.

(2) Restaurant owner: Bakit mabilis maubos mga toothpicks natin?
Waiter: Ewan ko Sir. Kasi ako pag gumagamit ng toothpick, binabaliki ko rin dyan.

(3) Customer: Ano ba naman itong toothpick nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali.

(4) Learn Spanish:
1. I love my lawyer -- Yo te amo mi notario publico.
2. My girlfriend is a deodorant model -- Mi amiga es el modelo del tawas.
3. My friend failed the medical exam -- Mi amigo es albolaryo.

(5) Learn Japanese:
1. Is this your car? -- Otomoto?
2. This is my car -- Otokoto
3. What's your opinion? -- Kuro-kuro mo?
4. Speechless -- Wasabi
5. You a regular customer? -- sukikaba?
6. Thin -- purobuto
7. Handsome -- kamukhako
8. Ugly -- kamukhamo.
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(Note: all photos of cats here are from www.funnycatpix.com)

Some classic jokes

Wonderful school quotes:
- Don't dare talk in front of my back.
- Both of you three, get out of my class!
- Why are you so late? Say Yes or No.
- Take 5 cm wire of any length.
- I have two daughters, both girls.
- All of you, stand in a straight circle.
- Quiet! The principal just passed away!

BF to girl's Dad.
BF: I want to marry your daughter.
Dad: Do you have work?
BF: I'm a theology scholar.
Dad: Can you afford a wedding?
BF: God will provide.
Dad: What about a house, raising a family and kids' education?
BF: God will provide later.

Dad walks upstairs, wife asked,
Mom: What's the plan?
Dad: The guy is poor, shameless and he thinks I'm God!

When a male judge makes love to a woman, it's called Honorable discharge.
When a male congressman makes love to a woman, it's called Congressional insertion.
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More text jokes from Raoul Abreu:

Lovers' motto:
Do not do unto others
What we did last night.

Man sitting at home drinking cold beer with his wife beside him, says "I love you."
Wife: Is that you or the beer talking?
Man: No, it's me talking to the beer.

One spelling mistake can destroy a life. A husband sent this text message to his wife:
"I'm havin a wonderful time. Wish you were her."

Q: Why do men cheat and lie to their wives?
A: Because it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

They say that as women grow older, they live a more pious life.
Paayos ng mata, paayos ng mukha, paayos ng balat,...

DOM: Inday, will you marry me?
Inday: Yes!
DOM: Thank you Inday. I promise you will be the apply of my eye.
Inday: Ok lang dong, you will be my bread and butter.

Couple having sex...
Girl: Ancelmo, Ohhh Ancelmo!
Man: Lintek ka, sinong Ancelmo?
Girl: Gago! Ang cell mo, nasa pwet ko, nagba-vibrate!

Hyatt Hotel, Singapore

The last time I went to Singapore was late last January this year. I was one of the panel speakers in the "Think Tanks' IPR meeting", held in Hyatt Hotel in this city. The event was organized by Prof. Julian Morris of Buckingham University, London.

My room was nice, I liked it. The bed was huge, and good, wide working area, with complimentary internet connection. If I have a speaking engagement and a good working area, chances are I will stay more time there than in my bed. And that was exactly what happened.

Nice and wide, flat tv. But as usual, between working and writing my presentation (ie, cramming to add more content to my powerpoint) and watching tv, the ratio between the two, for me, is something like 10:1 :-).

Nice, shiny bathroom. I like staying in the bathtub for a few minutes with lukewarm water. To relax, or to ponder on some of my powerpoint slides :-)

The hallway going to my room. Nice. With my work cramming then, I did not even check the hotel's swimming pool, etc. Only the lobby, restaurant, the seminar room, and my room, argh!

I thanked Julian profusely for the opportunity to speak during the forum and stay in this nice hotel.

Pinoy Jokes, Part 1

Mga makabagong kasabihan (from Doods Salvador)

A. General quotes

- Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan.
- Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na.
- Better late than pregnant.
- Its better to cheat than to repeat.
- Pag di ukol, di bubukol...siya ay baog.
- Kung may isinuksok, may mabubuntis.
- Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.
- Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa.
- When it rains...it floods.

B. Corny Edition

- Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
- Beyond the clouds, are airplanes.
- Lagi nasa huli, ang matangkad.!
- Ang magkaibigan, saan man makarating, uuwi din.
- Ang iyong kakainin, sa kaldero mang-gagaling.
- Ang taong nagigipit, sa bumbay kumakapit.
- Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila.
- Hindi baleng tamad, di naman pagod.

C. Kagandahan Edition

- Aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang Papa?
- Kung gusto mong maglandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi.
- Talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng muka ng nagmamagandang inday.
- Mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka chaka pa rin.
- Aanhin ang maganda, kung di naman malandi.
- Aanhin ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sayo.
- Ang lalaking mabilis maglakad, may hinahabol na gwapo.
- Aanhin ang sexy at magaganda - kung katabi naman ako :-)
- daig ng kati ang hapdi.

D. Ang di marunong...

- Ang di marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, sa call center naglipana.
- Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, matigas ang leeg.
- Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, may beke (or goiter).
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Ano'ng hayop ang...

Palaging olrayt -- Ox.
Palaging durog or bangag -- Hyena.
Palaging nahuhulog -- Dog!
Palaging tinatawag ng mga movie directors -- Cat!
Paborito ng mga politiko -- Croc.
Pangit -- Cow.
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Jokes from Raoul Abreu.

Lolo: Astig ngipin mo hijo, parang exam.
Apo: bakit lolo?
Lolo: One seat apart.
Apo: Kayo din lolo, ngipin nyo astig, parang test.
Lolo: bakit hijo?
Apo. Fill in the blanks.

Man 1: Kumusta mga anak mo?
Man 2: Panganay ko doktor, pangalawa nurse, pangatlo, yong inaanak mo, electrician, ang bunso magnanakaw.
Man 1: Haaa, bakit di mo pinalayas ang bunso?
Man 2: Heneral kasi sa AFP, malakas kumita, hehehe.

Kapag balisa ka, Relax.
Kapag inis ka, Smile.
Kapag may problema, Pray.
Kapag walang pera, Think of me.
Bakit? Kasi di ka nag-iisa.
Ang pera ko, parang Coke.
Kung hindi Sakto, Zero.

Girl 1: Nakipag break ka daw sa bf mo?
Girl 2: Oo, di kasi marunong mag-kiss. Isang style lang ang alam.... flying kiss pa!

Sa isang botika...
Man: Isang condom nga miss.
Salesgirl: Size sir.
Man: (pabulong) small lang miss.
Salesgirl: No sir, size pesos ang isa.

Reporter: Bakit ka dapat iboto?
Pacquiao: Mabuti ang bagong katulad ko, wala pang sungay.
Reporter: in English?
Pacquiao: Well, I'm brand new, I'm not horny yet.

Benefits of exercise?
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit jumps and jops but lives only 15 years max.
4. A turtle doesn't run, walks very slow yet lives up to 450 years.
To hell with exercise!

A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life was spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Audience was in shock and in silence.
He added, "She was my mother."
Applause and laughter.
A top manager tried to crack this at home.
After a drink, he said loudly,
"Best years of my life was spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the 2nd half, he later blurted out, "I can't recall who she was."
When he woke up, he was on a hospital bed recovering from burns of boiling water.

A man buys a lie detector ROBOT which slaps liars. He tests it at home.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
Robot slaps the boy.
Son: Ok, I lied. I went to the movies.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Toy Story.
Robot slaps boy again.
Son: Ok. It was porn.
Dad: What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was!
Robot slaps Dad.
Mom: Forgive him dear. After all, he's our son.
Robot slaps mom!

At a drugstore...
Woman: Give me some arsenic!
Pharmacist: What for!
Woman: to kill my husband!
Pharmacist: I can't do that!
She reached into her bag, pulled out out a photo of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife and handed it to him.
Pharmacist: You didn't say you have a prescription!

Husband: Yesterday, a sexy girl came in my dream. What a girl she was!
Wife: She must be alone.
Husband: How do you know?
Wife: Her husband came in my dream.

Husband: Honey, you are the music of my life.
Wife: Really, why do you say that?
Husband: Because you have a Flat nose and a Sharp tongue.

A priest at Forbes Park once commented:
"When I start the mass and see the congregation, I ask myself, where are the poor? After mass, when I see the collection, I ask myself, where are the rich?"


Q: Ano tawag sa batang mahilig sa regalo?
A: Gifted child.

Man 1: Pare, tinatakot ako ng misis ko, humihingi ng sustento.
Man 2: Di ba matagal na kayong hiwalay?
Man 1: Yun nga eh. Pag di daw ako magbigay, babalik daw sya sa akin!

Mrs.: Honey, bago mo ko naging asawa, ilan ang chicks mo?
Mr.: Seselos ka lang, hwag na.
Mrs.: Sige na!
Mr.: Kulit mo ah. O sige. There was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ikaw, then 7, 8,...

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Patient: Wala na bang pag-asa dok? Ano pa pwede ko gawin?
Dok: Meron pa. Mag asawa ka ng pangit at bungangera.
Patient: Gagaling po ba ako don?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

Erap: 5 ang kabit ko ngayon!
Chavit: Magaganda ba at seksi?
Erap: Oo, at magkakamukha sila.
Chavit: Magkakapatid?
Erap: Hindi. Pare-parehong mukhang pera!

Anak: Tay, meron ba tayong kamag-anak na mahirap?
Tatay: Meron, pero di ko kilala.
Anak: Eh kamag-anak na mayaman?
Tatay: Meron, pero di tayo kilala!

Quote: Money is relative. More money, more relatives. :-)

Sydney airport

These are my photos when I was departing Sydney, October 3, 2010. I did not take photos when I arrived at the airport, September 28. I arrived there around 6:30 or 7am, was still groggy and sleepy after my evening flight from Manila and a transfer at Brisbane airport.

The main information booth. Well, if you have your itinerary or plane ticket and you just check the big billboard at the background, indicating the schedule of departure flights, no need to approach this booth.

A big passenger lounge, different from the departure lounge at each boarding gate. This is in the middle of the terminal, after passing the immigration, if I remember it right. There are many shops surrounding this lounge.

Another huge billboard for departing passengers. It is difficult to lose your way as the signs are very clear, so long as you know which gate to board your flight.

And shops, shops all around. The shops are silently whispering, "Hey, before you leave Sydney airport, come on in."

One shop is selling these traditional instruments by the aborigines. Colorful and shiny.

Oh my, more shops to pass by before going to your departure gate.

On certain days of the week, there are no Sydney-Manila flights, even via Brisbane. My flight that day was Sydney - HongKong (via Qantas), then Hong Kong - Manila (via Cathay, a partner airline of Qantas). I was in a hurry to fly back home, my wife was already in the hospital, about to give birth to our second child. So even a longer flight via HK was ok with me then.

I was very happy to see Sydney. Thanks again to the sponsors of the conference that I attended there, especially the Americans for Tax Reforms.

Sheraton on the Park, Sydney

It was my first time to see Australia, wow. I went there to participate in the 4th Pacific Rim Policy Exchange, September 28-30, 2010. The event was mainly sponsored by the Americans for Tax Reforms. I was one of the speakers in one of the panel discussions there.

The hotel is just across the huge Hyde Park in central Sydney. It is walking distance to many beautiful places like the Sydney Opera House, Darling Harbour, etc. The park itself is already a good tourist destination. Sydney is really beautiful.

My room, my bed, wow, really cool! But since I was a speaker in the conference and I always cram my presentation, I did not maximize sleeping in this very comfortable bed. I slept just a few hours instead.

My work area is also cool. Wide, flat tv near it, but I did not open the tv much. I did not have complimentary internet access in my room, but there are plenty of free wifi area in the hotel, at the lobby, at the 2nd floor, etc.

See the bathroom, really cool! As usual, I like the bath tub, dip there for several minutes to relax, or to ponder about some slides in my powerpoint presentation. But I did not see the hotel's swimming pool. I was busy with reading and writing, going out and see the city, etc.

I thanked Grover Norquist, President of ATR (right in this photo; between us was Peter Wong, Executive Director of the Lion Rock Institute, Hong Kong), and Kelsey Zahourek, Executive Director of the Property Rights Alliance (PRA), another sponsor of the conference, for the travel grant they gave to me to participate in the said conference.

Brisbane airport, Australia

My first time to see Australia. I was going to Sydney to attend a conference. I took Qantas Air, left Manila airport September 27 evening, around 8 or 9pm I think. Qantas has no direct Manila-Sydney flight that day, I have to change plane at Brisbane, and that's how I got into this airport.

My plane landed at Brisbane airport the next day around 4.30 or 5am. The immigration area here. The airport should be open 24 hours, but there are very few arriving passengers at such time of the day.

Hallway going to the baggage claim area. We have to get our checked in bags and move to another gate for the flight to Sydney.

Duty free shops area. Very few shops were open at such time. Nonetheless, the whole area was well-lighted.

Baggage claim area.

Going to another gate for the flight to Sydney, I passed by these artworks. Perhaps about the aborigines of Australia.

Sultan Hotel, Jakarta

My first time to set foot in Jakarta, Indonesia. I went there to participate in the Economic Freedom Network (EFN) Asia Annual Conference, October 7-8, 2010, held at Sultan Hotel. The event was sponsored by the Friedrich Naumann Foundation for Liberty (FNF).

The hotel is a bit old but it's big. It also has a wide parking space, other outdoor facilities. This is the lobby of the hotel.

I went there to be one of the moderators of several panel discussions. The theme of the conference was "Migration and Freedom". I saw many friends there from the Asian free market network.

This is my room, nice comfortable bed. The tv was the old, thick model, not the slick and thin flat tv yet. My working area was fine, we had complimentary internet connection in the room.

One of the many hallways going to various seminar/conference rooms, or to the ballrooms. The hotel is really huge, I got lost in some of the hallways going back to my room :-)

The hotel also has several restaurants, in the basement, on the ground floor, the second floor, I don't know where else.

There was a painting exhibit during our stay. I don't know how often such exhibits are held in that hotel. But the paintings are beautiful, they must be expensive.

Notice the wide hallway, this is going to one of the side entrances of the hotel. The painting exhibits made the hallway more lighted.

Extension of the painting exhibits near the hotel lobby.

I thanked the organizers of the EFN Conference and the FNF, especially Jyoti Sachavirawong, for the travel grant to Jakarta, for the opportunity to participate in the conference, and for moderating a panel discussion with two bright minds as speakers, Aco Patunru from Indonesia and Zubair Malik from Pakistan.

Jakarta airport

My first time to visit Indonesia, really. I've been to Kuala Lumpur twice, Singapore, about 3x or 4x, but never been to Jakarta before. So I was very happy for the opportunity.

Jakarta airport is more like Manila's NAIA terminal 1, the old but main international airport terminal. Jakarta airport is a little bigger than terminal 1. Of course if we combine the international sections of terminal 2 (exclusively used by PAL) and terminal 3 (mainly used by Cebu Pacific), the combined floor space of those 3 terminals in Manila airport should be bigger.

Hallway for exiting passengers, going to the arrival area. Unlike the glass and steel structure of modern airports, here it's an enclosed wall of cement, except the departure lounge.

The duty free shops and food shops. Not too many shops because the terminal is not big, but nonetheless, one can buy a number of souvenir items there.

Baggage claim area.

Immigration area for departing passengers. Big difference with the Manila airport: in Jakarta airport, the immigration area has short lines. Well, when I was flying back to Manila, there was no line actually, I went straight to the immigration officer. I was out of his booth in about a minute or less.

Well, one advantage of having a Philippine passport and if one is traveling to any ASEAN member-country like Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, etc. No need for a visa for visits of 30 days or less. The immigration officers are more friendly to passport holders of their fellow ASEAN member countries.