Filipino Shop Signs, Part 2

Here are more funny signs in Filipino shops, a few jokes added.

Full, not pull... minimum fear, not fare... Billaton Bord... and a porno school.

Ate neyo, not a university... a stoned village (Barangay Basag)... and another porno refreshment house...

Facebool (and squidbool?), construction and erection, barber shop for the handsome, and a porno restaurant...

A fake duck...  a cursing drink... and a gross name for a septic tank cleaner...

Finally, working is not allowed during good time... a yellow pedicab... and a washing maching...

Happy weekend.

Filipino Shop Signs

A good background story here will be Pinoy Jokes, Part 4. There is a long list of funny Filipino store signs there. Here, some of those shop signs have real photos. All photos I got from the web, not one of which came from my camera.

We repiar any electrect pan...

This shoe repair shop was once very famous in facebook... and those barber shops :-)

Famous chicken house spoofed, or Middle Earth chicken food shop :-)

Storebucks, Carbucks, Fishballbucks...

Foot long (burger) becomes Put long... the famous Dollibee, and a bake shop by Bread Pitt...

Finally, Boracay in Porac, Pampanga... Cantu... what? The famous Taal Lake....

Happy weekend.

Pinoy Jokes, Part 4

Some good jokes from a friend from UP, Raoul Abreau.

"I just wanna be an angel, flying around you, risking all I have just to kiss you, even if it can cost my life." -- Lamok, nag-e-english, hehe

A man was throwing knives at his wife's picture, and all were missing target. Suddenly he received a call from his wife who asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Just missing you."

Guy 1: My wife is an angel.
Guy 2: You're lucky. Mine is still alive.

Husband: Hello, what are you doing, my darling?
Wife: I'm dying.
H: (jumping with joy) How can I live without you?
W: You idiot! I'm dying my hair!

5 words women use:
1. FINE -- when they want to end an argument, think they're right and want you to shut up.
2. 5 MINUTES -- if she's getting dressed, this means half an hour.
3. NOTHING -- the calm before the storm. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4. GO AHEAD -- this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
5. THAT'S OK -- means she wants to think long and hard before deciding when you will pay for your past mistakes.

--> Send this to men to warn them, and to women to give them a good laugh because they know it's true.

Great person, ikaw yan.
Great father, ikaw ulit yan.
Great looks, aba, sayo talaga yan.
Great husband, sayo pa rin yan.
Great taste, Sobra na, kape na yan eh.

Mga katotohanan:
Hindi lahat ng kinakalabit, gitara.
Hindi lahat ng binobomba, poso.
Hindi lahat ng pinapasukan, eskwelahan.
Hindi lahat ng nilalabasan, exit.
Hindi lahat ng sinusubo, pagkain.
Hindi lahat ng pinipisil, pisngi.
Hindi lahat ng pisngi, nasa mukha.
Hindi lahat ng binibiyak, prutas.
Hindi lahat ng tumatayo, may paa.
Pero lahat ng may ulo, tumatayo.
Lahat ng BERDE ISIP, ngingiti.

Erap: "Walang kumpare, walang kamag-anak."
PNoy: "Walang kamag-anak, puro kaklase at kabarilan lang."

Di nila ma-justify yong 7 Pajero na binigay sa mga obispo. Dapat kasi ang binigay nila ay SAFARI, madali i-justify. Para SA FARI.
-----

Filipino Store Signs

* A parlor in San Juan: 'Cut & Face'
* A Bakery: 'Bread Pit'
* A tailor shop: 'James Tayloring'
* Another tailoring shop: 'Elizabeth Tayloring'
* A drugstore: 'Pharmacia with love'
* A Petshop: 'Petness First'
* A Taxicab: 'Income Taxi'
* A balut wholesaler in Batangas: 'Starduck'
* A laundry shop in Manila: 'Summa cum Laundry'
* A petshop in Ortigas selling cats and dogs: 'Pussies and Bitches'

* A beerhouse in Cavite, 'Chickpoint'
* A laundromat in Sikatuna: 'Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes'
* A salon somewhere, 'Curl Up And Dye'
* A store selling chicken feeds along Sucat road: 'Robocock'
* A shoe repair shop: 'SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you'
* A 2nd hand watch store: '2nd Time Around'
* An aquatic pet store in Malolos: 'Fish Be With You'
* A Laundry: 'Wash Your Problems Here'
* A beauty salon: 'Saudia Hair lines'
* A neighborhood pizza store: 'Pizza Hot'

* A mobile massage slogan: 'Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching'
* A shrimp store: 'Hipon Coming Back'
* A ceiling installer: 'Kisame Street'
* A car repair shop: 'Bangga ka 'day!'
* A bakery in a village: 'Anak Ng Tinapay'
* Ice cream parlor: 'Dila Lang Ang Katapat'
* Chicharon store: 'Chicha Hut'
* A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: 'Pinoy Big Barber'
* A party needs business: 'Balloon-Balloonan'
* A goto resto: 'Goto Ko Pa!'

* A flower shop: 'Susan's Roses'
* A pet shop in Kamuning: 'Pakita Mo Pet Mo'
* A Resto in Baclaran: 'The Last Supper'
* A small internet cafe opened among squatters named itself, 'Cafe Pindot'
* A restaurant in Pampanga, 'Mekeni Rogers'
* A restaurant in Pasig, 'Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina'
* A tombstone maker in Antipolo: 'Lito Lapida'
* A copy center in Sikatuna Village, 'Pakopya ni Edgar'
* A carinderia: 'Aling Karing Deria'
* Name of a kambingan, 'Sa Goat Kita'

* Shoe repair in Marikina : 'Dr. Shoe-Bago'
* A water refilling station in Dapitan, 'Wa-Thirst'
* A squid stall in a wet market: 'Pusit to the Limit'
* A bank in Alabang: 'Alabank'
* A gotohan, 'Goto Haven'
* A sign on a stall selling chicken, "Dina Fresh"
* A 24 hour eatery: "Doris Day and Night"
* A home cooking resto: "Ang Cooking ng Ina Mo"
* A competitor beside it: "Ang Cooking ng Ina Mo Rin"
* A boxing gym in Taguig: 'Blow Jab'

* A fishball cart: 'Eat My Balls'
* A bait and tackle shop in Boracay: 'The Master Baiter'
* A Hair Salon in Makati : 'Hair We Go Again'
* A Japanese resto: 'Murakami'
* A grillhouse: 'It Doesn`t Matter Inihaw'

Pinoy Jokes, Part 1

Mga makabagong kasabihan (from Doods Salvador)

A. General quotes

- Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan.
- Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na.
- Better late than pregnant.
- Its better to cheat than to repeat.
- Pag di ukol, di bubukol...siya ay baog.
- Kung may isinuksok, may mabubuntis.
- Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.
- Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa.
- When it rains...it floods.

B. Corny Edition

- Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
- Beyond the clouds, are airplanes.
- Lagi nasa huli, ang matangkad.!
- Ang magkaibigan, saan man makarating, uuwi din.
- Ang iyong kakainin, sa kaldero mang-gagaling.
- Ang taong nagigipit, sa bumbay kumakapit.
- Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila.
- Hindi baleng tamad, di naman pagod.

C. Kagandahan Edition

- Aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang Papa?
- Kung gusto mong maglandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi.
- Talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng muka ng nagmamagandang inday.
- Mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka chaka pa rin.
- Aanhin ang maganda, kung di naman malandi.
- Aanhin ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sayo.
- Ang lalaking mabilis maglakad, may hinahabol na gwapo.
- Aanhin ang sexy at magaganda - kung katabi naman ako :-)
- daig ng kati ang hapdi.

D. Ang di marunong...

- Ang di marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, sa call center naglipana.
- Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, matigas ang leeg.
- Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, may beke (or goiter).
-----

Ano'ng hayop ang...

Palaging olrayt -- Ox.
Palaging durog or bangag -- Hyena.
Palaging nahuhulog -- Dog!
Palaging tinatawag ng mga movie directors -- Cat!
Paborito ng mga politiko -- Croc.
Pangit -- Cow.
-----

Jokes from Raoul Abreu.

Lolo: Astig ngipin mo hijo, parang exam.
Apo: bakit lolo?
Lolo: One seat apart.
Apo: Kayo din lolo, ngipin nyo astig, parang test.
Lolo: bakit hijo?
Apo. Fill in the blanks.

Man 1: Kumusta mga anak mo?
Man 2: Panganay ko doktor, pangalawa nurse, pangatlo, yong inaanak mo, electrician, ang bunso magnanakaw.
Man 1: Haaa, bakit di mo pinalayas ang bunso?
Man 2: Heneral kasi sa AFP, malakas kumita, hehehe.

Kapag balisa ka, Relax.
Kapag inis ka, Smile.
Kapag may problema, Pray.
Kapag walang pera, Think of me.
Bakit? Kasi di ka nag-iisa.
Ang pera ko, parang Coke.
Kung hindi Sakto, Zero.

Girl 1: Nakipag break ka daw sa bf mo?
Girl 2: Oo, di kasi marunong mag-kiss. Isang style lang ang alam.... flying kiss pa!

Sa isang botika...
Man: Isang condom nga miss.
Salesgirl: Size sir.
Man: (pabulong) small lang miss.
Salesgirl: No sir, size pesos ang isa.

Reporter: Bakit ka dapat iboto?
Pacquiao: Mabuti ang bagong katulad ko, wala pang sungay.
Reporter: in English?
Pacquiao: Well, I'm brand new, I'm not horny yet.

Benefits of exercise?
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit jumps and jops but lives only 15 years max.
4. A turtle doesn't run, walks very slow yet lives up to 450 years.
To hell with exercise!

A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life was spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Audience was in shock and in silence.
He added, "She was my mother."
Applause and laughter.
A top manager tried to crack this at home.
After a drink, he said loudly,
"Best years of my life was spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the 2nd half, he later blurted out, "I can't recall who she was."
When he woke up, he was on a hospital bed recovering from burns of boiling water.

A man buys a lie detector ROBOT which slaps liars. He tests it at home.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
Robot slaps the boy.
Son: Ok, I lied. I went to the movies.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Toy Story.
Robot slaps boy again.
Son: Ok. It was porn.
Dad: What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was!
Robot slaps Dad.
Mom: Forgive him dear. After all, he's our son.
Robot slaps mom!

At a drugstore...
Woman: Give me some arsenic!
Pharmacist: What for!
Woman: to kill my husband!
Pharmacist: I can't do that!
She reached into her bag, pulled out out a photo of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife and handed it to him.
Pharmacist: You didn't say you have a prescription!

Husband: Yesterday, a sexy girl came in my dream. What a girl she was!
Wife: She must be alone.
Husband: How do you know?
Wife: Her husband came in my dream.

Husband: Honey, you are the music of my life.
Wife: Really, why do you say that?
Husband: Because you have a Flat nose and a Sharp tongue.

A priest at Forbes Park once commented:
"When I start the mass and see the congregation, I ask myself, where are the poor? After mass, when I see the collection, I ask myself, where are the rich?"


Q: Ano tawag sa batang mahilig sa regalo?
A: Gifted child.

Man 1: Pare, tinatakot ako ng misis ko, humihingi ng sustento.
Man 2: Di ba matagal na kayong hiwalay?
Man 1: Yun nga eh. Pag di daw ako magbigay, babalik daw sya sa akin!

Mrs.: Honey, bago mo ko naging asawa, ilan ang chicks mo?
Mr.: Seselos ka lang, hwag na.
Mrs.: Sige na!
Mr.: Kulit mo ah. O sige. There was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ikaw, then 7, 8,...

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Patient: Wala na bang pag-asa dok? Ano pa pwede ko gawin?
Dok: Meron pa. Mag asawa ka ng pangit at bungangera.
Patient: Gagaling po ba ako don?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

Erap: 5 ang kabit ko ngayon!
Chavit: Magaganda ba at seksi?
Erap: Oo, at magkakamukha sila.
Chavit: Magkakapatid?
Erap: Hindi. Pare-parehong mukhang pera!

Anak: Tay, meron ba tayong kamag-anak na mahirap?
Tatay: Meron, pero di ko kilala.
Anak: Eh kamag-anak na mayaman?
Tatay: Meron, pero di tayo kilala!

Quote: Money is relative. More money, more relatives. :-)