Some good jokes from a friend from UP, Raoul Abreau.
"I just wanna be an angel, flying around you, risking all I have just to kiss you, even if it can cost my life." -- Lamok, nag-e-english, hehe
Guy 1: My wife is an angel.
Guy 2: You're lucky. Mine is still alive.
Husband: Hello, what are you doing, my darling?
Wife: I'm dying.
H: (jumping with joy) How can I live without you?
W: You idiot! I'm dying my hair!
5 words women use:
1. FINE -- when they want to end an argument, think they're right and want you to shut up.
2. 5 MINUTES -- if she's getting dressed, this means half an hour.
3. NOTHING -- the calm before the storm. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4. GO AHEAD -- this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
5. THAT'S OK -- means she wants to think long and hard before deciding when you will pay for your past mistakes.
--> Send this to men to warn them, and to women to give them a good laugh because they know it's true.
Great person, ikaw yan.
Great father, ikaw ulit yan.
Great looks, aba, sayo talaga yan.
Great husband, sayo pa rin yan.
Great taste, Sobra na, kape na yan eh.
Hindi lahat ng kinakalabit, gitara.
Hindi lahat ng binobomba, poso.
Hindi lahat ng pinapasukan, eskwelahan.
Hindi lahat ng nilalabasan, exit.
Hindi lahat ng sinusubo, pagkain.
Hindi lahat ng pinipisil, pisngi.
Hindi lahat ng pisngi, nasa mukha.
Hindi lahat ng binibiyak, prutas.
Hindi lahat ng tumatayo, may paa.
Pero lahat ng may ulo, tumatayo.
Lahat ng BERDE ISIP, ngingiti.
Erap: "Walang kumpare, walang kamag-anak."
PNoy: "Walang kamag-anak, puro kaklase at kabarilan lang."
Di nila ma-justify yong 7 Pajero na binigay sa mga obispo. Dapat kasi ang binigay nila ay SAFARI, madali i-justify. Para SA FARI.
Filipino Store Signs
* A parlor in San Juan: 'Cut & Face'
* A Bakery: 'Bread Pit'
* A tailor shop: 'James Tayloring'
* Another tailoring shop: 'Elizabeth Tayloring'
* A drugstore: 'Pharmacia with love'
* A Petshop: 'Petness First'
* A Taxicab: 'Income Taxi'
* A balut wholesaler in Batangas: 'Starduck'
* A laundry shop in Manila: 'Summa cum Laundry'
* A petshop in Ortigas selling cats and dogs: 'Pussies and Bitches'
* A beerhouse in Cavite, 'Chickpoint'
* A laundromat in Sikatuna: 'Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes'
* A salon somewhere, 'Curl Up And Dye'
* A store selling chicken feeds along Sucat road: 'Robocock'
* A shoe repair shop: 'SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you'
* A 2nd hand watch store: '2nd Time Around'
* An aquatic pet store in Malolos: 'Fish Be With You'
* A Laundry: 'Wash Your Problems Here'
* A beauty salon: 'Saudia Hair lines'
* A neighborhood pizza store: 'Pizza Hot'
* A mobile massage slogan: 'Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching'
* A shrimp store: 'Hipon Coming Back'
* A ceiling installer: 'Kisame Street'
* A car repair shop: 'Bangga ka 'day!'
* A bakery in a village: 'Anak Ng Tinapay'
* Ice cream parlor: 'Dila Lang Ang Katapat'
* Chicharon store: 'Chicha Hut'
* A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: 'Pinoy Big Barber'
* A party needs business: 'Balloon-Balloonan'
* A goto resto: 'Goto Ko Pa!'
* A pet shop in Kamuning: 'Pakita Mo Pet Mo'
* A Resto in Baclaran: 'The Last Supper'
* A small internet cafe opened among squatters named itself, 'Cafe Pindot'
* A restaurant in Pampanga, 'Mekeni Rogers'
* A restaurant in Pasig, 'Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina'
* A tombstone maker in Antipolo: 'Lito Lapida'
* A copy center in Sikatuna Village, 'Pakopya ni Edgar'
* A carinderia: 'Aling Karing Deria'
* Name of a kambingan, 'Sa Goat Kita'
* Shoe repair in Marikina : 'Dr. Shoe-Bago'
* A water refilling station in Dapitan, 'Wa-Thirst'
* A squid stall in a wet market: 'Pusit to the Limit'
* A bank in Alabang: 'Alabank'
* A gotohan, 'Goto Haven'
* A sign on a stall selling chicken, "Dina Fresh"
* A 24 hour eatery: "Doris Day and Night"
* A home cooking resto: "Ang Cooking ng Ina Mo"
* A competitor beside it: "Ang Cooking ng Ina Mo Rin"
* A boxing gym in Taguig: 'Blow Jab'
* A fishball cart: 'Eat My Balls'
* A bait and tackle shop in Boracay: 'The Master Baiter'
* A Hair Salon in Makati : 'Hair We Go Again'
* A Japanese resto: 'Murakami'
* A grillhouse: 'It Doesn`t Matter Inihaw'