Pinoy jokes, Part 2

(1) Customer: Miss, may wi-fi ba kayo dito?
Iba-iba pero magpi-pinsan na mga sagot:

a. Jollibee/McDo cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami apple fi at mango fi.
b. Pan de Pidro, Pan de Manila cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami tina-fi.
c. Pizza Hut cashier: Wala po sir. Meron lang kami pizza-fi.

(2) Restaurant owner: Bakit mabilis maubos mga toothpicks natin?
Waiter: Ewan ko Sir. Kasi ako pag gumagamit ng toothpick, binabaliki ko rin dyan.

(3) Customer: Ano ba naman itong toothpick nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali.

(4) Learn Spanish:
1. I love my lawyer -- Yo te amo mi notario publico.
2. My girlfriend is a deodorant model -- Mi amiga es el modelo del tawas.
3. My friend failed the medical exam -- Mi amigo es albolaryo.

(5) Learn Japanese:
1. Is this your car? -- Otomoto?
2. This is my car -- Otokoto
3. What's your opinion? -- Kuro-kuro mo?
4. Speechless -- Wasabi
5. You a regular customer? -- sukikaba?
6. Thin -- purobuto
7. Handsome -- kamukhako
8. Ugly -- kamukhamo.
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(Note: all photos of cats here are from www.funnycatpix.com)

Some classic jokes

Wonderful school quotes:
- Don't dare talk in front of my back.
- Both of you three, get out of my class!
- Why are you so late? Say Yes or No.
- Take 5 cm wire of any length.
- I have two daughters, both girls.
- All of you, stand in a straight circle.
- Quiet! The principal just passed away!

BF to girl's Dad.
BF: I want to marry your daughter.
Dad: Do you have work?
BF: I'm a theology scholar.
Dad: Can you afford a wedding?
BF: God will provide.
Dad: What about a house, raising a family and kids' education?
BF: God will provide later.

Dad walks upstairs, wife asked,
Mom: What's the plan?
Dad: The guy is poor, shameless and he thinks I'm God!

When a male judge makes love to a woman, it's called Honorable discharge.
When a male congressman makes love to a woman, it's called Congressional insertion.
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More text jokes from Raoul Abreu:

Lovers' motto:
Do not do unto others
What we did last night.

Man sitting at home drinking cold beer with his wife beside him, says "I love you."
Wife: Is that you or the beer talking?
Man: No, it's me talking to the beer.

One spelling mistake can destroy a life. A husband sent this text message to his wife:
"I'm havin a wonderful time. Wish you were her."

Q: Why do men cheat and lie to their wives?
A: Because it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

They say that as women grow older, they live a more pious life.
Paayos ng mata, paayos ng mukha, paayos ng balat,...

DOM: Inday, will you marry me?
Inday: Yes!
DOM: Thank you Inday. I promise you will be the apply of my eye.
Inday: Ok lang dong, you will be my bread and butter.

Couple having sex...
Girl: Ancelmo, Ohhh Ancelmo!
Man: Lintek ka, sinong Ancelmo?
Girl: Gago! Ang cell mo, nasa pwet ko, nagba-vibrate!