Marriage is a Sentence. A Life Sentence

That's one of the marriage jokes that have been around since time immemorial. And more:

(1) On the first year of marriage, the man talks, the woman listens.
On the second year, the woman talks, the man  listens.
On the third year, they both talk, the neighbors listen.

(2) On the first year of marriage, magkasama kumain sa isang plato.
On the second year, magkahiwalay na kumain sa kanilang plato.
On the third year, batohan na ng plato.
Yan ang tinatawag na "platonik love".

(3) Man sitting at home drinking cold beer with his wife beside him, says "I love you."
Wife: Is that you or the beer talking?
Man: No, it's me talking to the beer.

(4) Husband: Honey, you are the music of my life.
Wife: Really, why do you say that?
Husband: Because you have a Flat head and a Sharp tongue.

(5) A man was throwing knives at his wife's picture, and all were missing target. Suddenly he received a call from his wife who asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Just missing you."

(6) Husband: Hello, what are you doing, my darling?
Wife: I'm dying.
H: (jumping with joy) How can I live without you?
W: You idiot! I'm dying my hair!

(7) Man 1: Pare, tinatakot ako ng misis ko, humihingi ng sustento.
Man 2: Di ba matagal na kayong hiwalay?
Man 1: Yun nga eh. Pag di daw ako magbigay, babalik daw sya sa akin!

(8) Mrs.: Honey, bago mo ko naging asawa, ilan ang chicks mo?
Mr.: Seselos ka lang, hwag na.
Mrs.: Sige na!
Mr.: Kulit mo ah. O sige. There was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ikaw, then 7, 8,...

(9) Anak: Nay, tutoo ba yong kasabihang "first love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba oo. Tingnan mo yang tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal.

(10) Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Patient: Wala na bang pag-asa dok? Ano pa pwede ko gawin?
Dok: Meron pa. Mag asawa ka ng pangit at bungangera.
Patient: Gagaling po ba ako don?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay.

hehehe.